The 13 Day Experiment

I’ll be your unknowing test subject.

The 13 Day Experiment

Materials

1 boy

1 willing girl

1 Thai iced tea

1 red bike

1 copy of “Fail Again, Fail Better” by Pema Chödrön

Acknowledgements

I don’t want to acknowledge you but I guess you’re the only option, and the reason why the experiment exists.  Or maybe I am the reason why the experiment exists.  Maybe that is the question.

Abstract

It is difficult to overstate the severity of the crises which you plagued me with when you decided me your subject.  I never signed up to help with the research, I just made the decision to go to dinner.  You got them confused and thought I had raised my hand.  You pulled me in when we sat on your bike and I felt the adrenaline that our bodies shared.  I hadn’t known you existed 24 hours before, and I didn’t know your last name when we said goodbye that day, but I didn’t care because I believed you when you said I could trust you.  I don’t know if this really counts as an abstract but it’s something and I don’t know where else to put it, like many things.

Method

Find a restaurant where you can visibly read your 1 copy of “Fail Again, Fail Better” by Pema Chödrön.  Make sure you are visible through the window.  Once your 1 willing girl has sat down, preferably at the same restaurant, approach her with the question of what she’s drinking.  In your instance, it’ll be 1 Thai iced tea, and she won’t know if you’ve ever had it before, so you can pretend.  She’ll like that you were reading and that you’re tall and have dark features and she’ll give you a chance because she’s kind and hasn’t been hurt badly enough before.  Offer to walk home together, and when you’re on a quiet street, get her to get onto your 1 red bike, the middle part, while you sit in the seat, and pedal the two of you up a hill.  The bigger the hill, the better, and act like it’s really easy, because she’ll be impressed, and then you’ll know you can say goodbye.  Kiss her in the grass and tell her you’ll text her, and then make sure you do.  Ask her to go see the fireworks that weekend, and tell her you’re excited to see her, but don’t send too many text messages.  When she gets to the beach and the sun sets, you’re ready for the last step of the experiment: hold her tightly as the fireworks explode in the sky.  This should span over the course of 13 days, no more, no less. After this, you’ve completed your work and will be ready to analyze the findings.  Do not speak to her again, except to tell her goodbye because she’s giving more than you are, although, ultimately the reason you give does not matter.

Results/ Conclusion

I’ll leave this section to you to fill out because I don’t even know what you were testing.  I thought that writing this would help me figure it out, but it just made me realize how many more questions I have, and how little I know, which is, I think, the point of research, although it feels quite sad. Did you get the results you wanted?  Can I read the paper?  Can you come back with a really good apology?